Negotiations

March 4th, 2024

As a mediator and conflict resolution specialist, working on some exciting and complex situations has been my pleasure. After one session between two boards of directors, the chairman of one of the boards complimented me by saying I am not a problem solver, but rather a solution provider.

I did not know what he meant by that comparison, so I asked him. He explained this to me. Given his comments and several years of reflection on the difference between problem solver and solution provider, along with the experience of many negotiations and mediations, I want to share some thoughts with you.

These thoughts are related to this topic and might help you when you find yourself in a conflict or negotiation. 

February 19th, 2024
Tower at Harvard University

As a mediation and negotiation specialist, I am always looking to improve my skills associated with conflict resolution. Katie Shonk is the editor of the Negotiation Briefings newsletter associated with the Program on Negotiation at the Harvard Law School. Starting with her well-written article on 5 Conflict Resolution Strategies, I build on her commentary and offer additional thoughts based on my over 30 years as a mediator and negotiator. Hopefully, these practical examples will help you too.

February 5th, 2024
An IRS article, other spreadsheet papers, a mouse, and a cup

As a mediation and negotiation specialist that worked for the IRS at all levels for over 28 years, I want to share with you how conflict resolution and mediation works at the IRS . It was my pleasure in 2020 to bring mediation to the large case business program (at the time LMSB – Large and Mid-Size Business and later LB&I Large Business and International). Over time 2,500 field specialists were trained in mediation while I worked at the IRS. What follows is commentary to explain various stages of issue resolution at the IRS and how an expert in this area can help navigate these processes.

January 22nd, 2024
Two goats butting heads

As a mediation and negotiation specialist that blogs weekly on issues related to conflict resolution and collaboration I want share with you what I see as a very well written concise commentary by Abraham Dameh on how to handle disagreements. His nine points of Listening actively, Empathy, Be Calm, Build Bridges, Collaborate, Neutral Language, Mediation, and Reflection on Lessons learned absolutely resonates with me. I took his 9 points and offer some additional thoughts that I think could help you too

January 8th, 2024
The world globe on the left and various social on the right

As a mediation and negotiation specialist I work in conflict resolution where initially each party typically has a position. They believe they are right, and the other party is wrong. Behind every position are interests. Interests are the seeds to a solution between the parties. Knowing this, I want to ask you, given your position on something if you might be the person who could be at least partially wrong? Is it possible you are the yahoo in the room rather than the other person being the yahoo? Is it possible you could be wrong given the information that you have and know to be facts? You don’t know what you don’t know.

December 11th, 2023

As a business valuation mediator and negotiator addressing conflicts associated with complex valuations it is inevitable that positions can become entrenched. The process of business valuation often gives rise to challenging disputes that seem insurmountable and intractable with family owned businesses and with federal income tax issues. These conflicts can leave all parties involved feeling stuck, frustrated, and disillusioned. However, addressing these disputes with intellect, creativity, insight, and perception can pave the way to a resolution that not only benefits the parties but also strengthens the foundation of their business relationships.

November 27th, 2023
Building a bridge from both directions for the Hoover Dam

Want to be a bridge builder across differences based on neuroscience? This article from the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California at Berkeley offers great insights. Starting with that article as an experienced mediator and negotiator that focuses on conflict resolution additional commentary is provided that expands on some of the observations to help you work with others to overcome conflicts or disputes. Read on to learn more.

The article offers five ways to have better conversations across differences. These are to

  1. Listen to their story
  2. Try not to take anything personally
  3. Be a bridge, and not a barrier
  4. Lean into discomfort
  5. Set norms to create a safe and brave container

The commentary that follows uses similar headings, highlights key points from the article and offers additional thoughts to enhance results.

October 30th, 2023
Graph showing downward red graph changing over to an upward green graph

Having helped clients address issues at work business to business, business to government, and within businesses with workplace conflict professionally, and as a volunteer with housing disputes, in conciliation court and between gangs, I want to help you build resilience and reduce your stress when in a conflict . As a mediation and conflict resolution specialist I want to share with you three ways you can reduce stress when you are in conflict. Conflict in and of itself is stressful. When you are stressed, this impacts your ability to think clearly, your health, your job, and your relationships with others. In organizations it has an even larger impact on productivity, morale, grievances, sick days, turnover, and negatively impacts customer service, employee satisfaction, and business results.

The commentary that follows focuses on speaking up timely, with the other party directly, and considering mediation as an alternative to any of these areas of conflict.

October 23rd, 2023
Two individuals shaking hands with money in the background

Have you ever wondered why people have a hard time talking about money? Want to know how to negotiate better around money? When in a conflict how does a mediator help each side come closer together when money is involved? Money is an emotional topic. Why is that? So, what can you do to prepare yourself better for a negotiation or mediation when money is involved? Read on and learn more. This may help you with the other party the next time money is involved.

October 16th, 2023
red white and blue elephant and donkey with an American flag behind them

As a successful mediator, negotiator, and conflict resolution specialist many have reached out to me and said Mike you need to go to Washington. I have consistently stated that is a much bigger problem than I can tackle, and then I thought even with reds and blues there are ways to argue with others that are diametrically opposed to your point of view. Take this video by Dr. Daniel Shapiro, Director of the Harvard International Negotiation Program. The commentary that follows takes major elements from this video and other experiences to offer a way out of the mess between reds and blues.

October 13th, 2023
Business woman negotiating with someone else

Leadership, Collaboration, Conflict Resolution

 

Leadership is the act of influencing others to willfully accomplish the mission

 

Friday October 13, 2023

 

Leadership Productivity and Health

What are the risks of displaying anger in a negotiation with the IRS and others?

 

 

October 9th, 2023
An angry looking man

In negotiations, mediations, and conflict resolutions emotions can be difficult to manage. Emotional intelligence has to do with your ability to be aware of, control, and express your emotions appropriately. The commentary that follows explores how emotions and displays of anger can work both for you and against you in a negotiation and as a participant in a negotiation or other forms of conflict resolution.

When preparing for a negotiation, mediation, or conflict resolution session usually significant effort may be applied to determine the facts, the issues, the prioritization of the issues, and your interests. Similarly, you may have attempted to explore what the other party’s perceptions compared  to these same items.

However, typically little attention is paid regarding your and their emotions that may play out during the interaction.

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