Conflicts are Everywhere, But Proficiency is Rare
As a conflict resolution and negotiation specialist, I learned that from a new study that
- 49 percent of aspiring managers struggle with handling conflicts;
- 65 percent of potential leaders have difficulty offering support and resources during conflict situations (not knowing what to do, how to prepare, or how to approach the conflict);
- 60 percent do not know how to prepare their team for conflicts;
- 61 percent struggle to find the root cause of conflict; and
- Only 12 percent of new managers demonstrate strong proficiency in resolving conflict.
Because conflicts are everywhere, proficiency in dealing with them (along with other stressors) is especially critical in today’s ever-changing business environment.
So, what does this research mean for you? Let’s further define the problem, develop alternatives, and decide what is best for you, your team, and your organization.
Further background on recent research
Besides understanding the problem, what can prospective managers do to help their team address conflict areas within the team, with others in the firm, and/or with outside clients, customers, vendors, or other stakeholders?
Training is required, along with references, resources, and mentoring in developing communication, intelligence, and empathy.
The Servant Manager
In his book The Servant Manager, the author offers several insights as a reference for Organization Development (OD) specialists, training trainers, developing leaders, new managers, and experienced managers who want to enhance their skills.
In the book are 16 chapters organized into 203 tips to help leaders and managers.
The initial chapters focus on how to start reorienting as a servant manager and how to step into leadership. Additional tips follow on communicating effectively, coaching for success, and other topics to help leaders and managers transform themselves to think about how to help employees, how to keep an appropriate balance, and how to lead teams through change.
Appendix A of The Servant Manager offers a tool to help overcome conflict. This tool is called “An Interest-Based Approach, A Tool for Resolving Conflict”.
Steps for an Interest-Based Approach
- Raise the Issue: Describe the problem to be solved. Be tactful and attack the problem, not the people
- Discover interests: Learn both parties’ underlying needs, concerns, hopes, and fears. Listen actively
- Generate Options: Offer and encourage creative possibilities for agreements. Remember: Options are not commitments
- Develop Agreements: Turn the options into mutual agreements, whether written or oral.
Guidelines for Raising the Issue
- Find a private place, and don’t be rushed
- Raise the issue and describe your interests
- Talk about behaviors, not personalities
- Be specific, respectful, and brief
- Speak for yourself
- Talk about the “good news”, too
- Invite cooperation
- Stop, listen, and learn
- Be patient and tolerant of different styles of communication
Active Listening
- Listen with respect
- Check for understanding
- Ask questions
- Don’t challenge or interrupt – problem solve
- Paraphrase and summarize the basic viewpoints
People and Problems
- Distinguish between the people and the problem
- Acknowledge your emotions and theirs, without blame
- Put yourself in their shoes
- Turn face-to-face confrontation into side-by-side problem solving
- Listen actively
Positions and Interests
- Positions are limited
- Positions polarize – interests integrate
- Behind every position is at least one interest
- Interests hold the seeds of solution
- Interests are more numerous than positions and can be satisfied in many ways
Helpful Questions for Exploring Interests
- What do you want to have happen?
- What do you hope to accomplish?
- What concerns do you have?
- What is the problem we are trying to solve?
- Are there other problems?
- What will it take for us to work together?
- What would need to happen for you to feel satisfied?
- What is the best-case scenario?
Definitions
Issues – Problems to be solved
Positions – Demands/statements of what someone says they will or will not do. One party’s solution
Interests – Underlying needs, concerns, hopes, fears
Options – Possible, often creative agreements, or pieces of an agreement. Options are not commitments
Standards – Customary, objective, and widely accepted criteria for handling similar situations
BATNA – Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement – A way to satisfy your interest if the negotiation fails
Building off this tool, this author offers an enhancement to this tool with The Collaboration Effect pocket guide from the book The Collaboration Effect.
Relevant Blogs
This blog site offers numerous articles that are on point for your concerns. Recent example articles are:
How can you improve your emotional intelligence to resolve conflict better?
Recent scientific discoveries help with conflict resolution.
Do you want to know how to manage conflicts at work?
These examples can provide quick five-minute reads to help you address a specific concern regarding some form of conflict at work or in other areas.
Additional Resources
Check out Peaceful Resolutions for a reference that only addresses conflict resolution and management. This book was written to help (1) someone who is currently in a conflict, (2) someone who wants to help others who are in conflict, and (3) someone who wants to take proactive steps to prevent conflict. This book has 60 steps organized into 10 chapters for application at work, home, school, places of worship, or community to assist in conversations, discussions, negotiations, mediation, and achieving compromise. This book is written by a manager with over 30 years of experience mediating over 2,500 disputes, setting up processes to address hundreds of conflicts, and negotiating and mediating issues with as much as a billion dollars at stake.
Finally, referring back to the commentary above, if you are looking for a well-researched tool showing that over a dozen of the best places to work in America contributed to the source, check out The Servant Manager. They contributed to the text to promote best practices, contributing their ideas and taking in concepts and practical pointers from other contemporaries in the field. If someone needs something for a trained trainer for an Organization Development (OD) specialist or a handy reference for a budding leader, new manager, or experienced manager who needs a little help, check out The Servant Manager.
Four Vendors
Four vendors offer training, as indicated at the bottom of this commentary. Check out these and other vendors if you are looking for classroom training and something from a vendor. These are simply examples.